4th Donor Egg Transfer: Another Missed Miscarriage

I haven’t been able to write in 2025 because of everything that has happened, but today, I feel that it will be therapeutic.

After a relaxing IVF-free trip to the US to spend Christmas with my family, see friends, and enjoy amazing sunny weather, we got back to business shortly after returning home. We transferred embryo #4 in this donor cycle, making it my 6th embryo transfer overall.

We did a natural cycle this time and used Embryoglue (which has limited scientific backing, but why not?). Well, guess what? I got pregnant.

And I didn’t just get pregnant; I got super pregnant. My hcg was skyrocketing to the point where people were asking me if I was having twins. Never before has my hcg risen so quickly so fast or ever gotten so high. We even got to hear a heartbeat for the first time at 6 weeks and 4 days.

Then we went to Berlin, waited a couple more weeks, did another ultrasound and, once again, our worst nightmare happened - the baby stopped developing around 7 weeks. To is, it was 9 weeks and we were feeling fairly confident that everything was fine. Who has two missed miscarriages? This girl does.

I don’t feel like going over all the details right now, but that experience was pretty much the worst of my life, and I am still mentally and emotionally recovering. But when my cycle returned and we had a chance to do another transfer last week, off to Finland we flew for the 5th time. We knew we weren’t ready, but it was either that or wait 3 months.

We never thought we’d have to do this many transfers; that we’d have this much bad luck. It feels unreal. Being pregnant also felt unreal. It’s just been so so hard. I’m on antidepressants now because I don’t think I can function without them now, it’s just too much.

The first few days after the transfer were ok, like they always are, but now a lot of anxiety has set in. I have seen a very very faint line that you almost can’t see, on the same day I saw a big fat obvious positive last time. So I’m preparing myself for another chemical.

Just feel like shit today. I know better days are ahead and that life is full of possibilities and all that crap. But yeah this shit is hard. I mourn the carefree life I used to have before all this IVF crap. But I can’t give up because it’s my dream.